Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just cropdusted the office
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
