I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
