last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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