i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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