you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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