i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
