i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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