I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
