Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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