Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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