My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
