i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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