how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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