Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I believe in your delicious
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
