This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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