And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
is it fun? or sober?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
