i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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