no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
