The maid of honor just puked.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
