My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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