turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
