I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
