just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
