I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dignity is for republicans.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
