Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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