Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
