he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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