I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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