Who wears a wallet chain?!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need to align my fucking chakras
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