this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
