I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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