my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
