worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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