I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
