I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
