i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
