Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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