I will die if light touches me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize