oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize