I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
