Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
