It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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