So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
don't judge my taste in strippers
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
