I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
