Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
