Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
