I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
