Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
