i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
