Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
