she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
