It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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