the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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