Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
