I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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