Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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