Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
