one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
