please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sarcasm needs its own font
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
