He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
