he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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