i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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