I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
