just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
