i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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