So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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