If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize