I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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