you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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