You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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